How to keep the love alive in a marriage!
I have learned REALLY quick that marriages can fail FAST if we
aren't taking the right steps to keep the love alive! I, personally, have only been married a little over a year, but I have watched MANY marriages fail in my 26 years of life. My parents marriage was one of them and I also got to see what NOT to do as a separated parent... We'll probably discus that more later, but for now let's keep it together! Step 1: Date each other. As parents to 4 boys we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of keeping them alive and thriving that we sometimes forget that we have a partner... We have to make it a point to date each other. Before, we were only dating once a month, but we found out really fast that we need to be dating more often than that! So, we found something that we both like to do and now we date each other almost every night! (I'm learning to kick ass at chess! Thanks, husband!) Step 2: COMMUNICATE. I repeat, COMMUNICATE. I'm a bottler. What does that mean? I bottle all my problems up until I can't bottle them anymore and then I just explode! Everything comes out at once and causes more problems than good. I've progressed quite a bit in the last 8 years that we've been together, but I still have a tendency to bottle things up. In order to communicate we have to be brave enough to say what's on our mind without being rude. A good friend told me to avoid the words always and never. Example: You're ALWAYS lazy or you're NEVER home! These two words make things worse because they're more than likely NOT true. There are probably times where your partner isn't lazy and obviously they're home at some point. So, just avoid those words completely. Instead you can say things like, "I feel terrible when the sink is piled full of dishes and I would appreciate it if we could work on a solution to keep them to a minimum." or "It makes me sad when you're away from home. I love spending time with you." See, those sound MUCH better. Step 3: Do/buy/share the little things. I LOVE when my husband comes home from the convenience store with a snack or drink without me asking or when he does the dishes. I appreciate the little things so much more than the big things. I would rather have one little thing happen everyday than one BIG thing happen every other month. The next time you're out and about and you see something that makes you think of your partner... GET IT. Then go home and surprise them! I promise you won't regret it. Step 4: BE PATIENT
A very valuable lesson I have learned in this life is to be patient. We're always so quick to give up when times get tough. Trust me. Been there done that. We worked through our differences and we are much stronger because of it, but that doesn't mean that everything is butterflies and rainbows every day. There are still days that I just want to throw in the towel and be done, but that would be a waste of the 7 years we've been together and shaped this relationship into what it is today! When you're having troubles in your relationship take a step back and see it for what it really is and not what the negative thoughts in your mind say it is... We always make things worse than they really are by overthinking. Stop that. Make a list of all the positives in your relationship! Then go tell your partner you love them and get on with life. Step 5: Try new things in the bedroom.
As a sexual health educator I will say that it's very important to change things up in the bedroom. Even if it means leaving a light on or trying a new piece of sexy lingerie. Anything. Just stop doing the same old boring stuff. Find out what your partner likes and do that. If we never have the conversation things will never get better. After trying that new thing, discus it with your partner. List the pros and cons. What works? What doesn't work? What can you change for next time? SPEND TIME figuring things out! If you need a little help in this department you can definitely take part in my FREE course here! Step 6: Plan a yearly vacation for just YOUR little family. If you have vacations with your entire family, that's great, but it doesn't allow you the personal time with your little family. Make sure to plan your OWN vacation. Maybe go to the closest water park during the summer or stay at a hotel for a weekend. It could be anything as long as it's quality time with your little family. We need quality in our life. Without quality we are missing out on a ton of value and more than likely many memories are being missed! Create quality time! Step 7: Don't spew your problems to EVERYONE. When everyone knows your problems they will treat you or your partner different! When my husband and I separated before getting married I told my family what was going on and they STILL view him differently after almost 4 years of being together and solving all our problems. Him and I both are two brand new people now. We are definitely not the same people we were when we had our problems... Shoot we have 3 more kids since then. Anywho, find ONE person you can talk to about your problems that won't view you or your partner differently! We need to vent sometimes and when we have one reliable person to vent to life get a little easier! Let's sum it up. Step 1: Date each other. Step 2: Communicate. Step 3: It's all about the little things.
Step 4: Be patient. Sep 5: Try new things. Step 6: Plan a small family yearly vacation. Step 7: Vent to one. I hope this helps a little. If you have marriage experience drop your best tip in the comments below or come share them with the community in our super secret group on Facebook!