Take Back Your Sex Drive
What is libido?
Sexual Desire
LOW Libido is also known as hypo-active sexual desire disorder!
What does low libido look like?
Sex less often than your partner
No magic number to define low sex drive
No interest in sexual activity including masturbation
No sexual fantasies or thoughts
Being concerned by your lack of activity or fantasies!
43% of women and 31% of men have experienced sexual dysfunction, and one of the most common problems is low libido, or a low sex drive! Low libido can happen for no apparent reason. It comes out of the blue to people who have a good relationship with their partner.
*** TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ***
There are MULTIPLE causes for low libido! There are 4 groups:
Physical Causes – like change in appearance
Hormonal Causes – like after a baby
Psychological Causes – mental health issues
Relationship Issues – any changes
How do you get diagnosed? What is the process?
PREPARE FOR AN APPOINTMENT Let’s start with preparing for an appointment and questions to ask your doctor and questions your doctor will ask you to get on the right path for diagnosis! Before seeing your doctor you will need to prepare yourself a little! Start by writing down any sexual problems you’re experiencing. - Are you experiencing pain, dryness, or anything out of the ordinary? - Make sure to note when and how often you usually experience them Make a list of your key medical information
-Are you being treated for anything right now? -What medications are you taking?
- What vitamins or supplements are you taking?
Consider questions to ask your doctor
What could be causing my pain?
Will my level of desire ever get back to what it once was?
What lifestyle changes can I make to improve my situation?
What Treatments are available?
What books or other reading materials can you recommend?
Some questions your doctor may ask:
Do you have any sexual concerns?
Has your interest in sex changed?
Do you have trouble becoming aroused?
Do you experience vaginal dryness?
Are you able to have an orgasm?
Do you have any pain or discomfort during sex?
Are you still having periods?
Once you and your doctor kind of have an idea which problem is the root cause then you’ll go on for more accurate procedures!
One procedure is a pelvic exam to determine if you have thinning of genital tissues, vaginal dryness or pain triggering spots. Next is blood testing to check hormone levels, thyroid issues, diabetes, high cholesterol, and liver disorders.
If they aren’t able to help you they will send you on to a specialist like a counselor or sex therapist that may be able to better evaluate emotional and relationship factors!
Once we’ve gone over the causes of low libido we want to know how to treat it! Unfortunately there is no one correct way to treat low libido. Every person differs and it can change each time you experience low libido!
Often time low libido can be treated simply by trying new things! You can find an exercise routine, reduce your stress levels, communicate and many more! As you can see low libido is a common problem among couples! My goal here is to help you understand WHY you’re going through it and how you can make it better! As always I am not a doctor and I don’t have all the answers, but if you resonate with this maybe it’s time to see a doctor and get the help you deserve!
CAUSES OF LOW LIBIDO
Let's break down the 4 major categories and get to the main causes! The first MAJOR cause is Physical Changes! These can be illnesses, body changes, and medications!
Sexual problems – pain, no orgasms
Medical disease – arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery diseases and neurological diseases
Medications – prescription drugs, especially anti-depressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
Lifestyle habits – one glass of wine may put you IN the mood, but too much alcohol can lower your sex drive. The same is true of street drugs. Also, smoking decreases blood flow and dulls arousal.
Surgery – related to breasts or genital tract can affect body image, sexual function and desire for sex!
Fatigue – exhaustion from caring for young children or aging parents. Fatigue from illness or surgery can also play a role!
Hormonal Changes – changes in hormone levels
Menopause – Estrogen level drop, less interested, causes dry vaginal tissues, painful or uncomfortable sex
Pregnancy & Breastfeeding – hormone levels fluctuate so much during these times that your body doesn’t know what going on. Fatigue, changes in body image and pressure of pregnancy or caring for a new baby can also contribute.
Psychological changes – your mind can affect your desire
Mental Health Problems – anxiety and depression
Stress – financial or work stress
Poor Body Image
Low self – esteem
History of physical or sexual abuse
Previous negative sexual experiences!
Relationship Issues
Lack of communication
Unresolved conflicts or fights
Poor communication of sexual needs and preferences
Trust issues
Wow! As you can see there are many reasons why someone could have low libido!
COMMUNICATION & GETTING HELP If you related to the causes above I want to help you find ways to fix the problem! Obviously, there are many different ways to treat each different cause, but I think we all can agree that the first step to solving anything is by using our communication skills to get the help we need!
So, we’re going to go over ways to communicate with our partner and our doctor! So we can get the help we need!
First off how do you tell a partner that you have little to no sexual desire? A partner can typically sense it, but it’s better to be straight forward with them! Here are 3 ways to turn down sex politely:
1. Explain why you’re saying no!
Most people take rejection personally. If you’re too tired, distracted by work stress, or if you had a long day share that with your partner! It helps your partner understand your inner world a bit better and shows that your lack of interest isn’t because of them! If it IS because of them they need to know that, too! Example: if you’ve been fighting, not getting along, or they aren’t living up to the unspoken expectations in your mind… It’s better to take care of a problem right away instead of letting it build up!
2. Suggest another time soon.
Think about rejecting sex similar to denying a social outing with friends – their minds instantly go to the negative “well this relationship is over because they’re just avoiding me all the time”
Instead try a smoother approach by suggesting a time say next week or maybe the weekend when you can get a little more sleep!
3. Find another way to connect.
Just because sex is off the table doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to show affection. Maybe you like to cuddle to feel close or hold hands. Maybe you like to play games or do activities. Trying new things can always strengthen a relationship!
Now that we know how to talk to our partner – how do we talk to a doctor or take the steps necessary to get help?
If low libido is something that you’ve struggled with for quite some time – it’s time to get help.
If calling and setting up an appointment is hard for you because you’re embarrassed please know that there are people calling to set up appointments for paper cuts on their pinky… but in all seriousness… ANYONE can call and schedule an appointment for you! See if your partner will call. If not, talk to your friend! Did you know that therapists can set up appointments for you? If you absolutely cannot find anyone to help you set up your appointment, contact me and I’ll do what I can to help! Just find a way to get to the doctor! Even if you have to go to a walk-in clinic!
TRYING NEW THINGS
We talked about communicating with your partner and doctor so you can get the help you need! In order to try all the new things you have to be able to communicate! Healthy lifestyle changes can make a big difference in your desire! - Exercise – regular exercise increases your stamina, improves your body image, lifts your mood and in turn increases your libido!
Reduce Stress – find a way to cope with stress. Stress is never going away completely! Some people cope with stress by meditating others cope by going to a therapist. Find what works for you!
Communicate with your partner – couples who learn to communicate in an open, honest way usually maintain a stronger emotional connection which can lead to better sex! Communicating about sex is also important! Talking about your likes and dislikes can set the stage for greater sexual intimacy!
Set aside time for intimacy – scheduling sex may seem boring, but making it a priority can put your sex drive back on track. Libido is one of those things that rise the more you have sex!
Add a little spice to your life – try different positions, have sex at different times of the day, try a new location, spend more time on foreplay, add sex toys and fantasy
Ditch bad habits – smoking, illegal drugs, and excess alcohol can all dampen your sex drive
Essential Oils – There are many oils that will allow you to relax, that boost your mood, lower your blood pressure, and raise your sexual desire!
We have access to so many new things that can help raise your libido! _____________________________________________
WASH, RINSE, & REPEAT
As we go through life our libido will increase and decrease with the different changes!
We go through stressful times and happy times. We get pregnant and have babies.
We go through menstrual cycles and then menopause.
There will always be something new and different in every season of our lives! Libido isn’t a one size fits all solution!
If you try something and it doesn’t work, go back and try something different!
Never give up on the things you enjoy in life! Low libido can cause issues in a relationship if it’s not resolved in a timely manner! If you're looking for more info on women's sexual health and wellness you're welcome to join us in our little safe community on Facebook!